One of these days I'm gonna have to buy you out, Jimbo.
Yeah, well, that'd be great except you deal more in hot air and I deal in cash.
Hey, Rockfish, you know what you need?
Yeah. A partner.
Mark, what are you doing here?
Just stay out of this. Oh, come on, now, Jim. I got here first.
That's him.
(GLASS SHATTERING)
What's his problem? I don't know.
We got to stick together. They can't hurt us soul brothers, right?
Power to the people.
How much? Half.
(PHONE RINGING)
ROCKFORD ON ANSWERING MACHINE.. This is Jim Rockford.
At the tone, leave your name and message.
I'll get back to you.
(BEEPS)
George Debone, Malibu Space Watch. Had three sightings last week.
You see anything unusual,
your television reception interrupted?
Call 555-1313.
Looking for something?
Hey, Davy! Davy!
Work that fence area less!
Concentrate on where the swings used to be!
We was all real sad when Mr. Tom Evans died.
Heart attack, right?
Uh, yeah. Yeah, I think so.
Only his name wasn't Evans.
His real name was Pat O'Herlihy.
O'Herlihy?
We found some money in the house, in a suitcase.
So we're checking the backyard out
because sometimes these old guys like to bury their loot.
Money, huh?
How much?
Look, I'm real busy right now.
Would you mind just standing over there, please?
Of course not. See you.
Get the Cat out of here. Quick!
What's the story?
We're too late. County's crawling all over the place.
Did they find the dough?
Some of it.
I don't know how much. Come on, let's get out of here.
We gotta get us a new plan.
Get the black van and put a tap
on Goodbie's phone down at the probate office.
They tell me you don't hit the customers,
but I was never too good at taking no kind of abuse, you know?
Hey! Yeah, right. I got that first hand.
Hey, Gandy, I had some leftover ham in here.
I got a rep in that joint.
I ain't gonna take that kind of lip off some Beverly Hills honky.
So I let fly. You know?
Hey!
Yeah, right, you let fly. Look.
I put it in here last night. There was about half a pound.
I was gonna mix it with the eggs. Did you eat it?
That was a good job, Rockfish.
Doing what I like. Helping folks have a good time.
Every now and then, you show some dude the gate.
Guy acts up, he gets to hold his teeth on the way to the hospital.
You listening?
Gandy, did you eat the ham?
Yeah. Now, you listening?
Yeah, right. I'm listening.
They got this new rule in there now.
If some John swings on the floor supervisor...
Wait, wait, wait. The what?
Bouncer.
And if the bouncer don't hit him back, he gets a $50 bonus.
But if he does swing back, they take the 50 shells
out of his next check. Now, ain't that a crime?
Yeah, but I can understand why.
You would.
Look, Gandy, it's all in the court system.
I mean, you start mopping up on the customers,
then the customers sue the bar, the bar owner's insurance goes up
and then the ABC jerks his license.
It ain't the same is all I'm saying.
It's about time I get a new line, Rockfish.
Look, Gandy, why don't I drop you by your place?
I mean, last night was one thing.
I don't mind bailing a buddy out of jail,
but you're all right now.
I don't think that football coach is gonna press charges.
He don't want anybody to know he went down and out. So...
Hey, Rockfish, I got an idea.
Yeah? Yeah.
ROCKFORD: Nothing doing.
You ain't heard me out, man.
I don't have to. Just finish your beer.
I mean, it's almost 8:30 in the morning.
I gotta meet a guy. I'll drop you on the way.
(RIPPING)
Hey, Rockfish, you know what you need?
Yeah.
A seamstress.
A partner.
Just give me what's left of my coat, Gandy.
Look, man, it works just like in the joint, you know?
Once Gandy was your man, nobody gave you the gaff.
Works the same in real life.
I seen you after you been hassled, man, and you could use a hammer.
And who's better to do that kind of thing than your man Gandy?
We could work out the terms on a day-by-day basis.
What are you looking for, Gandy?
A $50 bonus for every guy you don't have to hit?
I'm serious, man.
So am I.
Gandy, I'm flattered. But, you know,
I don't like to get hassled and I don't want to hassle anybody.
I just don't like to work that way.
You ain't doing too good yourself, man.
Look at this. I been in shooting galleries
that are stocked better than this place.
Yeah. Well, I'm sorry, Gandy.
I really am sorry.
Hi, Johnny. What do you got?
If you got a couple of days, I got a probate heir search.
Is he a client?
(STAMMERING) What? No, uh, yeah...
He works for the County Probate Office.
Johnny Goodbie, this is Gandolph Fitch.
You working for the county?
See what I mean, Rockfish? It was the county that busted you, man!
Gandy, do you mind?
Man, your feeding the hand that grabbed you.
This is sickening.
Ignore him. What do you got, John?
Well, the deceased hit our shop with a tag reading ''Tom Evans.''
Phil did a DS with CC up in Sacramento
and computer kicked back a new ID.
Aka Patrick O'Herlihy.
This honky talks like an alphabet salesman.
Now, Pat has a brother, Finn O'Herlihy.
He could come into a bunch of dough.
Yeah, how much did he inherit?
Six hundred K.
You got anything else?
Well, not much. It's all in the folder right here.
Just that 20 years ago, the family used to live in San Diego,
and Pat and his brother were musicians.
They had an accordion and drum act.
They might have worked in LA for a while.
I'll sniff around. I'll get to you later, okay?
Yeah. A-okay, pal.
GANDOLPH: That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard.
ROCKFORD: Yeah, it's getting worse.
The longer they work for the county, the more that happens.
Boy, you're at the bottom of your profession,
scuffling around taking county handouts.
Look at this.
''The DS was CC'd with SAC ID'd and KO'd Patrick O'Herlihy.''
Guy writes like he talks.
Yeah, what that means is the death search, the computer checks,
Sacramento identifications kicked out a new name, Patrick O'Herlihy.
Twenty years, the guy's been living under an alias, Tom Evans.
And you're being hired to find this guy's brother
and give him some Ks, whatever that is.
Six hundred of them. Ks are thousands of dollars.
You mean, this turkey is gonna inherit $600,000?
If I can find him. If I can't,
the county takes the dough and everybody's taxes are supposed to go down.
Since I don't live in this county, ain't such a hot piece of news.
Where do you want me to drop you, Gandy?
I don't know, Rockfish.
Don't no place seems to be right. At least, not lately.
Look, Gandy.
You know, if I needed a hammer, you'd be the guy I'd come to,
but I just don't work that way.
I like to keep my business quiet.
Just like always, slick.
Try and get by on your mouth.
Only you ain't doing so good, but neither am I.
You really want to be a PI?
Yeah, why not?
I know a few guys. I can ask around.
See what they can come up with.
You mean you'd do that, Rockfish?
Yeah.
Hey, thanks, man.
(IMITATING GOODBIE) You're A-okay, pal.
A-okay.
Oh! Jimmy Boy, how you doing, man?
Hey, Mark.
Hey, what did you want to meet here for, huh?
I mean, this place could be expensive.
It's all right. It's my treat. Just put it on the tab.
Oh, yeah? Mmm-hmm.
That's great. Thank you.
So, uh, there's a friend of yours you want me to meet?
Something about a job?
Yeah, I know you're always hiring people,
and, you know, you have such a large agency and mine is so small.
Right.
One of these days I'm gonna have to buy you out, Jimbo.
Yeah, well, that'd be great except you deal more in hot air and I deal in cash.
You know, I always liked you, Jim.
I always liked your sense of humor.
Always good for a laugh.
I like it, too.
So, anyway, sure. I'd like to meet your friend.
But, you know, unless he's qualified, educated and neat,
I wouldn't consider him.
You see, most of the guys I've been hiring have pre-law degrees.
I find that they make the smoothest operators.
Yeah. Well, Gandy has a lot of legal experience.
Good.
So, what've you been doing, Jim?
You still chasing bond skips
and working for night court, huh?
Only when I can't find enough cars to repo.
GANDOLPH: I don't wear no tie.
I love your sense of humor. And I won't wear a tie.
I ain't wearing no tie.
MAITRE D': It's a dress requirement of the restaurant.
If you don't wear one, I'm afraid I'll have to refuse you service.
I said, I ain't wearing no tie.
I'm already hoping this isn't your friend.
It is.
He won't make it. They're very strict about dress in this place.
Ten bucks?
I don't care about your requirements.
But, sir, I...
Look, I said I ain't wearing no tie.
You try and make me, you and me gonna spread some tables all over this place.
Have a nice lunch, sir.
Hey, Rockfish, you know what the cab fare was getting over here, man?
Ten bucks. Ten bucks!
So this had better pay off. Yeah.
Gandolph Fitch, I'd like you to meet Marcus, what is it?
Hayes or O'Brien?
I'm honoring my natural parents this year.
Marcus Hayes.
Well,
Jimmy has told me practically nothing about you.
I'm looking for a job, Hayes.
I mostly make folks do what I say.
It's an interesting if somewhat primitive talent.
I don't like him.
Yeah.
I felt, Mark, that you and Gandy would really make an interesting team, you know?
Gandolph Fitch, here, is literally a man for all seasons.
I personally have never met a man who could take him
and that included all the inmates in C block.
Oh, you were a guest of the State?
Yeah. I did my whole stretch. And when I got out,
Rockfish proved I didn't do it and they gave me a pardon.
So we're not talking about university law at all, are we, Jimmy?
We're talking about yard-bird law.
Look, mister,
I might need a job, but one thing I don't take is mouth off nobody.
Black or white.
You got a hair-trigger, Mr. Fitch.
That's right, mouth,
and you're sitting on the edge of a big disaster.
I like him, Jim. He's got pluck.
I'll tell you what, Mr. Fitch, Gandy,
I've got a very important business meeting right about now.
So, why don't you come with me? It may require someone
with your special talents.
You picking up a bond jumper, are you, Mark?
For a friend.
Usually, I'm into more cerebral enterprises. Come on.
Order anything you want, Jim. They'll put it on my tab.
Thanks, Rockfish.
Hey, Gandy, see that he pays you in cash.
Maitre d'.
Yes, sir.
Does Mr. Hayes have an account here?
Yes, of course. Oh, good, good.
I believe I will start with the quiche and some wine,
a Montrachet, dry, please.
And some chocolate mousse possibly for dessert.
What about the cake, sir?
What cake?
The one you ordered.
I ordered?
You called. You said you were going to pay for his birthday lunch.
You told us not to accept anything from Mr. Hayes and you ordered a cake.
How much?
I'll have the waiter figure it for you right away, sir.
Now, how would you like the quiche?
I think I'd like it inexpensive.
You got yourself some foxy slippers here.
How much you pay for this thing?
Foxy what?
For sure. Nice wheels.
Oh.
Well, where can I drop you?
Huh? I thought...
Well, you were my ticket out of that place before the bill came.
Oh, no hard feelings, right?
Now, look, I'll drop you anywhere but the ghetto.
I can't go down there in this car. Every time I do, I get busted for pimping.
Just another gabby, slick.
Anywhere around here, Arthur.
Impulsive, aren't you?
One thing I never got used to was taking shuck off anybody.
Now, you were gonna give me a job, I need a job, so get on with it.
As much as I would like to, Gandy, there are some economic facts of life
that have to be considered.
You see, I run my business on a 3o/o deficit
balanced against a six-month factor on my accounts receivable.
Now, what that means in lay terms
is that I compute the cost of living index against the current glut
in the job market. And then I deduct my 3o/o deficit
and then I divide that by my accounts receivables. See?
You're gonna give me a job, Gabby,
or your teeth is gonna be accounts receivable.
Welcome to the firm.
I like your style, Gandy. Direct, forthright.
No misunderstandings.
Yeah, I know,
I got pluck, right?
Right.
Why don't you catch it, Gandy? I'll work out the expense account system with you later.
You said you was buying me lunch
'cause I didn't get any back there at the restaurant.
Right. Catch it, will you, Arthur?
Ain't got nothing but hundreds.
You were talking about Rockford.
I don't like talking about him. He's my friend.
Sure, some friend. Did he hire you?
No. He trucked you over to me like you were garbage.
He didn't want you. I took you in. I bought you lunch.
I've given you a profession.
You ain't done nothing but run your mouth so far.
So, tell me, what's he doing?
I like to find out what the competition is up to.
Although, frankly, me and Jim hardly ever cross trails.
Mostly he deals in low-level insurance snooping,
and I deal in the higher echelon business crimes.
Kind of dry.
So?
What's he doing?
Nothing.
Poor Rockfish.
Man, he's scuffling around working for the county.
Really? No kidding? Doing what?
I don't know.
Some guy named O'Herlihy croaked and left $600,000 in a suitcase,
and he's got a brother. They used to work in a band together.
Fish is trying to find the dude, 200 a day.
A probate heir search. No kidding.
Huh?
No.
He's not working for the county. He couldn't be.
He wouldn't be that stupid.
Are you calling me a liar?
Now that you're my associate, Gandy, I think it's time you understood
that from time to time, I will question things that seem different
or out of line to me.
That doesn't mean I wanna be hammered into unconsciousness.
So I would appreciate it if you wouldn't take these inquiries personally.
You are really full of it, you know that, mister?
Why would he do it?
For the money.
No, no. That's not where the money is in a deal like that.
You find the heir, you sign him for a percentage.
It's a finder's fee.
Come on, eat that in the car. We got things to do.
O'Herlihy? That's the guy's name?
What's his first name?
I don't know. Besides, that's Fish's case.
(CHUCKLES) Not anymore.
ROCKY: Hey, Sonny, whatever happened to that ham was around here?
Gandy ate it.
Oh, great.
WOMAN.. St. Joseph's Final Gardens.
May I help you?
I'd like to speak to the funeraI administrator, please.
MAN.. Mr. Dinsdale. Yes, this is Mr. VanStreet
of VanStreet, Smith, Smith and VanStreet.
We're accountants in Los Angeles.
How may I serve you, Mr. VanStreet?
Well, we were just going through the account of Mr. Patrick O'Herlihy.
He passed on recently, and we find there's a bill due
for grave maintenance and crypt repairs on his mother's interment in your cemetery.
Mrs. O'Herlihy?
Do you have a first name?
Oh, yes, yes.
It's in my accounts payable here. Just one moment.
Here it is. Yes, Fiona. Fiona O'Herlihy.
I'm sorry. We don't have a Mrs. Fiona O'Herlihy interred here.
Really?
Well, I know it must be a Catholic cemetery in San Diego somewhere.
I wonder... Could you help me, please?
Could you give me the name of the other Catholic cemeteries down there?
It sure would save me a lot of time.
Of course.
There is St. lves on Broadhurst,
and there is Our Mother Of God on Main Street.
All right. Thank you. Thank you very much.
How you gonna find this guy by looking for his mother's grave?
Oh, it's just a shot in the dark. Sometimes it works.
Sons often send flowers to dead parents, especially Catholics.
So you find the mother's grave,
find out where the flowers are being sent from.
Then you go to the flower shop, look at the account,
trace it to the man who sent the flowers
and, bingo, up pops your missing heir.
That is really smart!
Well, I'm pretty good at it, Dad, and it's safe.
It buys ham for Gandy to eat and beer for you to drink.
MARCUS: And the aforementioned Finn O'Herlihy
shall grant to the party of the first part
full and complete accounting of all monies received.
The net amount to be divided by four tenths of their whole
and distributed to the party of the first part
within 1 2 calendar days
upon delivery of said monies
as described in special exhibit B.
Now, parenths, see attached sheet, close parenths.
We'll figure out what exhibit B is
when we figure out how high the take is.
Okay, honey,
just put in a few ''whereases,''
and type it on the big embossed letterhead, okay?
Okay. Thank you, sugar.
Now, where were we?
All right, the guy who croaked was a musician.
Now, according to the obits, he lived in the valley under the name of Tom Evans.
So that's where we start.
What kind of guy is gonna agree to sign away 40o/o of his inheritance?
A kind of guy who doesn't know he's coming into one.
I can't tell you how much I appreciate your help here, Gandy.
I mean, if I come up with anything,
I'll make sure to arrange to have a nice little bonus in your weekly envelope.
Hey, how do you like that?
I got that from Elizabeth Taylor's housekeeper.
That's pre-Columbian, man.
So... What's the matter with you, man?
You gonna put a little bonus in my envelope? Is that the deal, Gabby?
Well, you helped me out on this. I won't forget you, man.
And we got to stick together. They can't hurt us soul brothers, right?
Power to the people.
How much? Half.
Oh, that's hardly sporting, Gandy.
Especially, since it was my intellectual expertise
that allowed us to identify this as a potential moneymaker.
You gonna cough up half, Gabby,
or you gonna choke on your suede loafers.
Right.
Half.
Then, let's punch in and do the job.
More power to the people.
Thanks. I'm late for the wedding rehearsal.
The ushers will be by later.
WOMAN ON PHONE.. Mr. Goodbie, a call for you on line two.
GOODBIE.. Thanks.
John Goodbie, County Probate Office.
ROCKFORD.. Hey, John, I'm making a little progress.
There's a Fiona O'Herlihy buried at Our Mother of God in San Diego.
I'm headed down there to check a few things.
I want to see if I can pick up a lead.
GOODBIE.. Good deal, Jim. Give me a call if you get anything.
ROCKFORD.. Right.
(PHONE BUZZING)
Yeah, what?
I just got some guy on the tap. Calls himself Rockford.
He sounds like a county PI.
He's located O'Herlihy's old lady in San Diego.
Come on, Dancer. Pat was 70.
Who you kidding? His mother?
Where is she?
In the ground, Melvin. In the ground.
Okay, you check her out, and I'll check out this guy, Rockford.
You gonna call Big SaI in Brooklyn?
No, no, no, no.
Wait till we get a line on Finn, then we'll call him.
Okay. Okay.
Where have you been?
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
It's been a bad day.
What happened to the car?
A plumbing truck backed into me
when I was leaving the tux shop.
Aren't your parents here, yet?
No, sir. There's a snowstorm in Wichita,
and they're having trouble getting out.
Well, I hope they'll be here for the wedding tomorrow.
Oh, look, if Mom and Dad have to come on snowshoes, they won't miss the wedding.
I know it's only a rehearsal,
but I'm pretending it's for real.
Boy, they really went through this place.
What are we looking for?
Anything that will tell us about this guy.
Where he went, what he did.
You said that guy was a musician?
Yeah.
Come on.
Just a minute.
Oh, no, you wait here. I'm gonna go in and do a little fast dancing
and see what I can find out.
You know, Gandy, I am turning into a collection of meaty bruises.
Will you unhand me, please?
How come I think you're trying all the time to ditch me?
Ditch you? Ditch my associate? Are you kidding?
Gandy, if too many people ask questions,
I've found that the interviewee has the tendency to balk
and to back away from direct answers.
I'm going in with you, Gabby.
You and me like that.
Like that, huh? Right.
Well, you let me do the talking.
Come on.
(POLKA MUSIC PLAYING)
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
You were gonna do the talking?
Good evening.
I'm Marcus Aurelius Hayes,
and I'd like to have a martini, very dry.
This is a nice place you have here.
You know the nice thing about this country?
That people from all political walks of life can coexist.
Democrats, Republicans, Independents,
Socialists, Nazis.
Communists.
As you were. We'll only be a minute.
We don't allow no coconuts in here.
So why don't you just get your butts out now?
(CHUCKLES)
Well, I think I should tell you that my name is Marcus Hayes
from the Alcoholic Beverage Control Center.
We license bars, in case you didn't realize.
So, despite the fact that you might have certain ethnic beliefs,
with which I'm not totally in sympathy,
but although I certainly respect your right to have,
I can still put you out of business. So be nice.
Well, if now isn't convenient, perhaps later.
Or I could send my supervisor out.
Ernst Kruger.
You through talking?
It's a cold house, man.
Let's go.
You got something else you want to tell my man here
before I rip your head off and spit in the hole?
It's a private club, sir.
You got a few more questions you wanna ask this slob, Gabby?
Or shall I just go ahead and feed him his liquor license?
You want to ask anything, man, go ahead, ask anything. I'll help you out.
So these are the rough, tough, right-wing National Socialists
we keep reading about.
I got a thing or two to say to you morons.
Hayes, damn it! Get over here and question this slob!
We're looking for a guy by the name of Finn O'Herlihy.
We understand him and his brother Pat
used to hang out in this place.
He was an accordion player and his brother was a drummer.
I thought you said you was from the State Liquor Board.
Well, I jump around a lot. Right now, I'm working for the Musicians Union.
The guy hasn't paid his dues.
You tell me what I wanna hear,
or you're gonna start paying yours.
This place used to be an Alpine restaurant.
There was a guy in here
that played Alpine-type things on accordion.
His name was Frank Martin. I had to let him go.
He was undependable.
How long ago?
I don't know. Couple years back.
Where'd he go?
San Diego, I think. You know, he's playing
bar mitzvahs, stuff like that.
Well, you don't have an address?
If I did, I'd tell you.
(SIREN WAILING)
Hey, let's get out of here.
Before I leave, I would like to give you people my feelings
on right-wing extremists and neo-Nazism in particular.
Let's go.
The strength of this country is in the blue-collar middle classes.
Marx, Lenin
and even Nietzsche, to a lesser degree,
all believe that the working class had to be destroyed beyond recognition
before the government would fall.
Now, I personally believe, however,
that the American middle class is totally indestructible.
Hey, let's get out of here.
Now, think about that. There'll be a quiz after the Watts parade.
Boy, I sure could've used a few more minutes with those Krauts.
Man, I thought I'd seen it all.
What kind of headcase are you, anyway?
But you were superb, Gandy! A real credit to the team.
But when you gotta get, man, you gotta get.
You don't stand around talking to a bunch of turkeys with the cops coming in.
But, boy, it sure felt good!
Yeah, you was cooking, man.
Yeah!
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Mr. Rockford? Yeah.
I'm Mark Hayes, remember me?
Oh, yeah, sure! You was Jimmy's parole officer. Right.
I remember you 'cause I used to drive him down to your office
before he got his driver's license back.
Come on in. How you been? You want a beer?
Oh, yeah.
Are you
still in the parole business, are you?
Boy, you should see my case load this year.
Well, you know that of the 1,600 California parolees,
over 700 are assigned to our office?
Only six guys.
Man, I'll bet that keeps you jumping, don't it?
Sure does, man.
Well, that's why I'm here.
You see, an old con buddy of Jimmy's is coming out
and I'd really like to talk to him about him. Any idea where he is?
Well, he left for San Diego earlier this morning.
He did, huh?
Well, I suppose I ought to check with him down there.
What's he doing in San Diego?
He's checking out cemeteries.
Say, I wish you and I could've talked him into going into the trucking business.
We tried. We sure tried.
Why cemeteries?
Well, he's looking for this missing guy,
and he's got this idea that this missing guy
might send flowers to his mother's grave
and she's buried in San Diego.
Did you ever hear anything so crazy?
Oh, that's brilliant! Wow! I never thought of that.
You never thought of what?
Hmm? Oh, never mind.
I guess I'll just get in contact with him when he gets back here.
You keep on trucking. Oh, I quit.
I'm retired.
No, Mr. Rockford, that's an expression.
You know, like, ''Hang in there.''
Oh!
Well, I do that. I think.
So long.
Did I overhear you saying that you used to work for the county?
The State.
You mean you were a gaming parole agent?
Oh, come on, Gandy, we all have to make a living.
I was just getting to like you, Gabby,
and now I find out you used to work for a county parole agent.
All the time looking around, trying to catch folks.
Looking to throw you back in the joint.
That's why I quit. I couldn't stand locking the brothers up, you know?
You know, Gabby, the more I find out about you,
the more I don't like what I hear.
Now, do you mind? Rockfish is already in San Diego.
Now we've gotta get moving.
If he finds Finn first, we're gonna be out $400,000.
But a parole agent! Ain't you ashamed, man?
It comes and goes.
(PHONE BUZZING)
GANDOLPH: Hey, Gabby, you got your phone fixed.
MARCUS: Yeah.
Hello. Marcus Aurelius Hayes.
MAN.. Mr. Hayes, this is Tom Flannery of Limousine World.
How much longer are you gonna need our car, sir, on a trial basis,
before you decide to buy it?
Well, Mr. Flannery, I may need it a little longer.
You see, I've been thinking of buying a fleet of five or six.
Of course, Mr. Hayes. Take as long as you like.
(CHUCKLES) Thanks, my good man.
Goodbye, Mr. Hayes.
GANDOLPH: Hayes, without your mouth, you'd be just like me.
You wanted to see me?
This is very nice.
I prefer a chrysanthemum base
with a spray of blue-gold violets, in season, naturally.
Excuse me, sir, but I don't know your name.
I'm sorry.
''Remember Me, Incorporated.''
That's right.
Just what is it that Remember Me does?
We remember.
Loved ones, departed loved ones.
Oh, a grave maintenance service?
I suppose you could describe it like that, yes.
Well, what can I do for you?
We just took over the O'Herlihy plot at Mother of God.
Oh, you do this grave by grave?
Usually those contracts are by the cemetery.
That's just what's wrong with everything today.
We perform a personalized service.
Mr. Tom Evans hires us to perform this service.
Now, since he lives in LA,
we contacted Mother of God
where Mrs. Fiona O'Herlihy,
the beloved deceased, is buried.
Now they told us that your flower shop
has been supplying flowers to other members of the family.
Now, I came here, Mr...
Gertmanian.
Mr. Gertmanian,
prepared to continue to buy these flowers from your shop annually.
However, if you'd prefer,
I can just as easily buy them from the florist at the cemetery.
Well,
it never occurred to me
that anybody would contract for this sort of thing,
grave by grave.
Yes. Well, the world is changing, Mr. Gertmanian.
I suppose you would probably find it strange
to know that more people are building their own furniture
or riding horseback.
Not really.
Our service gets back to the essentials.
Unfortunately, the relatives of the deceased
can't visit the graves personally.
That doesn't mean that they don't want their love and sentiments
expressed in a personal way.
What would you like me to do?
I suppose I should look at the accounts
and see what you've been supplying,
and I may want to make a change.
Of course, of course.
Here. Here it is.
Roses, really.
Probably red.
Very standard, almost plastic.
Makes no personaI statement.
It's what... It's what Mr. Martin orders.
Do you want me to change it?
Change it? What for?
If that's what Mr. Martin orders,
that's what you'll deliver. Understood?
Just exactly what is going on here?
A remembrance, Mr. Gertmanian.
And I'd hate to see you make a travesty of it.
(WEDDING MARCH PLAYING)
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
Oh! We're too late!
Oh, we've missed Freddie's wedding.
Mama! Oh!
But it's all over.
Papa.
Hi, dear.
Look, leave it to me. This won't take long.
You just blend in the best you can.
(GASPS) Mama!
Good afternoon. Can I help you?
I'm from the Stack, sweet fox.
I got my ax in the car and I can't find the gig.
I figured maybe you could help me out.
Who's the band leader?
He's a scurvy dude, but the man's got fingers.
What's his name? Frank Martin.
Frank Martin? Uh-huh.
Just a minute. Right.
He's an accordion player?
Right!
The best chops in pops. Where's the gig?
Oh, it's the Fred Koska wedding reception, this afternoon
at the Delmore Yacht Club.
He's doing a single. Right.
Fred Koska. That's my man.
He plays the meanest squeezebox in town.
When we jam, I'm gonna take out my iron, I'm gonna roof the sucker.
Him and me is better than three grams of nose.
A musician's wedding?
Right. Oh!
Hey, where'd you learn all that junkie jive?
I read Down Beat. Let's go.
I got it.
Next stop.
The Koska wedding reception.
It's at the Delmore Yacht Club.
Did you say you're from the Musicians Union?
That's right.
We've got a gig for him in LA. We're trying to locate him,
but I don't think I'd better bother him at the reception.
When he gets back home, would you have him call the local, please?
Yes, I will. Thank you.
Thank you, Mrs. Martin.
Bye.
Bingo.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
Wedding went great.
Great? Huh! It was a disaster.
None of you guys looked the same, my parents missed the wedding.
Hey, look, it was my goof, Fred. Really, my goof.
But, all in all, I'd say the wedding came off all right.
The reception is gonna go smooth.
Oh, yeah.
Nice, Freddie boy, really nice.
Excuse me.
May I see your invitation, please?
May I see yours?
I'm the father of the bride.
Oh! Ace Breneen and Associates. Security.
We're hired by the club.
Where would you like our men stationed?
I hope you have something more presentable to wear.
Oh, yeah, my dinner jacket's in the car,
but I wanted take a look at the site first.
I wonder if I might see your invitation for comparison, please?
Mmm-hmm.
Yeah, do you mind if I take this with me to show it to my men?
They'll be stationed at different entrances.
I'll find you in a few minutes and bring it back.
Oh, never mind, I don't need it.
Ah, thank you.
Your invitation, please?
Excuse me.
Oh, it's okay.
I'm Marcus Hayes, Fred Koska's old high schooI chemistry teacher.
And this is Fred's old football coach. Gandolph Fitch.
I need to see your invitation, Mr. Hayes.
I just finished an advanced lab
on micro-biochemicaI structures
and rushed right over. I wouldn't miss this for the world.
Fred was one of my best students a few years back.
Your invitation, please.
Oh, yes.
I have it around here someplace.
A big wedding?
Very.
Isn't that just like an old absent-minded professor?
I must have left it in the lab.
As a matter of fact, I think I was using it as a marker
for my Science In Thought and Action book.
Adios, pal.
Man, I love it when you can't get your eggs hatched.
I suppose you got a better idea.
Yeah, slick. I got one.
Oh, no, wait a minute. I got another idea.
Let's go.
We'll find the kitchen.
What?
Yeah, me and you gonna be waiters.
(WITH ACCENT) I come 'cause the mister wants more serving folks.
If you wants to check, you got to call the mister.
Now, I've been working for these folks
most every Christmas day.
Seen these young ones grow up to be fine young folks.
Glory.
I ain't gonna be no Tom.
Man, for $400,000 I'd be Howard Cosell.
Come on.
Nothing doing.
All right, you just stay out here, then, but I'm not gonna split with you.
You know something, man? What?
Your jive is really turning my guts.
Suit yourself. Suit yourself.
What do you say, Mel?
Shut up, let me think.
If O'Herlihy is in there and those guys spring $600,000 on him,
he's gonna skip.
Okay, let's whack him here.
Why here?
Sure. It's perfect.
Come on, let's see if we can get in the back.
It's almost time, Mr. Martin.
Oh, of course.
Don't forget the song.
Oh, I won't. I've got it.
It's Raindrops.
It's their song. Yes.
It's everybody's.
(PLAYS ACCORDION)
MARTIN: Ladies and Gentlemen,
may I present for the first time anywhere,
Mr. and Mrs. Fred Koska.
(RAINDROPS KEEP FALLING ON MY HEAD PLAYING)
Mr. Martin. Hmm?
Allow me to introduce myself.
My name is Marcus Hayes, and I would like to offer you a fortune in cash.
Excuse me, but I'm playing this gig right now.
If you would just sign this little document that I've prepared,
I will guarantee to give you, in cash, $400,000
with absolutely no risk at all and no obligation to you.
Who are you?
Mark, what are you doing here?
Just stay out of this. Oh, come on, now, Jim. I got here first.
Mr. O'Herlihy, my name is James Rockford. Lay back for a minute.
It won't affect your deaI with the county.
Wait, what did you call me?
I'm with Los Angeles County.
Now, your brother has died and left you $600,000.
Doggone it, Jim, you always get in my way!
No, no.
No, leave me alone. Leave me alone!
What's his problem? I don't know.
That's him.
(WOMAN SCREAMS)
Get out of the way!
When this is all finished, I want you to remember, Mr. O'Herlihy,
that it was me and my partner, here, who saved your life.
And, although we don't accept any tips,
I think in this case a large remuneration is in order.
Now, I've got this contract here. Hey, Rockfish.
And if you'd just sign the bottom... How do you shut this dude up?
Put him to sleep.
We'll just go back to the bank and everything will be...
(POLICE RADIO CHATTER)
I thought you guys were my friends.
I'm sorry, Fish. I let this mouth talk me into it.
He was saying we was gonna get 40o/o of the dough, but he was just jiving me.
It's not too ethical, but it's legal.
That is, if you can get the heir to sign a contract.
Well, I had the contract and I had the guy.
How was I supposed to know the O'Herlihy brothers stole that $600,000
from the mob 20 years ago?
No wonder the guy ran.
That's why Finn and Pat were living under aliases.
The mob never cancels anything off the books.
Yeah, but, anyway, Jim, you were right about Gandy here.
I like him. He's useful.
Man, You should've seen what he did to that bar.
I'm thinking of bringing him into the firm on more than just a temporary basis.
You know, maybe even making him an associate.
Give him an office with a girl.
Okay, you guys. We're off to the hotel, so pipe down.
You'll all have a chance to get an attorney then.
Thank you, my good man. I'll remember your courtesy.
Anyway, the starting salary won't be much, but we can work out a percentage.
Maybe even set up a contingency with a profit override
balanced against a corporate net.
Shut up, Gabby! Gabby?
Yeah, that's what he calls me, Jim. Cute, huh?
Gabby and Gandy.
Sounds like a puppet show.
Jim, I am serious.
Hey, what do you think, man, huh?
You wanna know what I think?
Yeah, man, lay it on me.
I think you're a jive turkey.
(MARCUS LAUGHING)
I told you he likes me. He likes me!
Oh, yeah.